5 Ways to Actively STOP Comparing Yourself to Others

I’ve spoken about comparison a few times on this blog, because as much as I wish it didn’t affect me, the truth is- it does. I think it affects all of us, especially in an age where we are constantly consuming information from social media, and where the pressure to be perfect (as impossible as that is) weighs heavily on us daily. I think that comparison gets a bad wrap, but doesn’t always have to provoke such cringe-worthy feelings. Comparison for some causes them to evaluate their own lives and propels them to strive for more. For others, comparison takes on more of an inspirational role which fuels healthy competition and acts as a catalyst for necessary change. But for most, comparison convinces us that our own accomplishments, skills, and possessions are inadequate- which causes us to lose sight of our value and self-worth making us apathetic toward our own goals. It makes us neglect our own purpose in pursuit of ‘greener pastures.’

I don’t know when compulsively comparing ourselves to others became ‘a thing.’ I guess it’s always been around- after all, we are only human. But we are definitely living in a time where every where you look you are confronted with perfection, and it’s hard to know how you measure up. We’ve all heard mantras like ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’ and ‘Don’t compare your behind the scenes to someone else’s highlight reel’ but it’s hard to remember those words when thoughts of comparison start to sneak in. The truth is, maybe we will always have that little voice inside that whispers ‘not good enough’ but I believe there are things we can actively put into practice that train us to take those thoughts captive, and redirect them with purpose and intention.

Start Each Morning with Positive Affirmations

The crazy thing about affirmations is that at first you feel a bit silly, but after a while you start to believe what you’re saying. And that’s when it becomes life changing. Growing up in church, I learned from a young age that there is great power in what you speak into existence. Proclaiming positive attributes about yourself, and manifesting things that you want to see come to fruition does wonders for your mind. Our thoughts have so much more weight when we speak them out loud. Verbally affirming who we are, and things we want to achieve empowers us to feel a sense of purpose in our own goals. Over time, this strengthens our ambitions and transforms the way we view ourselves.

Write Down What you’re Thankful for

I feel that one of the biggest opponents of comparison, is gratitude. When your heart is full of thanks, there is less room for judgement and comparison to sneak in. In my quiet devotional time, I write down things that I’m thankful for- even seemingly tiny things like ‘fresh sheets on my bed.’ Accumulating this list every day allows me to see that I have so many reasons to be content with my own life- so many things to be thankful for. Sometimes we have to force ourselves to think about things like that. We get distracted with complaints and envy about what we don’t have- and neglect the hundreds of blessings (large and small) that we do have.

UNPLUG

I will say that one of the biggest changes I’ve made this year, is unplugging with more frequency. There is so much freedom in putting your phone down and not having social media as a distraction. I love how social media can connect us, and the opportunities it’s provided me as a blogger. However, I do feel that everything should be done in moderation. It’s so easy to spend hours upon hours mindlessly scrolling through Instagram looking at the perfect lives of strangers, only to put your phone down and be less than content with your house/dinner/clothes/everything. I’ve made a conscious effort to adjust how often I use my phone. One of the most helpful changes I’ve made is not looking at my phone first thing in the morning. It’s habit I think, to open your eyes and just start scrolling. BOOM- you’ve been awake for 10 seconds, and you’re already thinking about how your life isn’t good enough because you’re seeing someone have a 5-star breakfast overlooking the Amalfi Coast. Instead, I start with a prayer, a shower, and a devotional. Setting the tone for my day by being intentional has made a huge difference.

Numbers Aren’t Everything

One of the other factors of comparison through social media is the ‘popularity’ that others seem to have. Remember back in the Myspace days, when a stranger would comment on your photo, and you’d be totally freaked out? And now all we care about is how many strangers pay attention to our photos! It’s ridiculous. YOUR WORTH IS NOT DEFINED BY HOW MANY LIKES YOU HAVE ON INSTAGRAM. In the blogging world, numbers of likes, followers, and comments can be directly correlated to how successful you are. After a while, you start to equate that to your value as a person and it can be really hard to move past that when everyone else in your industry operates under those rules. I think whether you’re using social media for business purposes or not, it’s easy to get discouraged by following/engagement on certain platforms. As a creative, I had to shift my priorities to generating content that I genuinely care about, for people who I genuinely care about- rather than obsessing over numbers that are beyond my control.

Set Short Term & Long Term Goals

Chances are, when you are busy with your own goals you’ll have less time to be distracted by what you think is going on in someone else’s life. What works for me is to set a series of short and long-term goals. Short term goals provide a sense of accomplishment and productivity, and long-term goals give us something to constantly be working towards. I think one of the biggest reasons we get stuck in the cycle of comparison is because we haven’t clearly defined our own goals or purpose, which means watching others accomplish things (whether it’s something we see ourselves doing or not) can be discouraging. One of my favorite quotes is by Bob Geoff:” “We won’t be distracted with comparison if we are captivated with purpose.”

Thank you so much for reading! If no one has told you today, you are enough. You have a purpose, and there are gifts that you have to offer that this world needs.